Posts Tagged ‘relationships’

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Welcome to Kala’s Quick Five, where I chat with fascinating authors, artists, teachers and researchers and ask them five questions about their work. Our guest today is Dr. Gabriel Constans, author of the novel, Buddha’s Wife. Gabriel Constans has served the community since 1974 as a grief counselor, chaplain, social worker and massage therapist and is certified in Thought Field Therapy (TFT). He is the co-parent to five children in The States and an extended family at ROP Center for Street Children in Rwanda.

Kala: Gabriel, thousands of books, texts and stories have followed Siddhartha’s path to becoming The Buddha (and his teachings), but little has been written about his wife Yasodhara, how she reacted to his leaving her and their newborn child in the middle of the night, and her desire to find compassion and enlightenment for herself and others. What prompted you to write this book?

Gabriel: Until it was pointed out to me a number of years ago by a friend, I had forgotten that The Buddha had even been married (when he was known as Siddhartha). Even though I’d been a Buddhist for 40 years, none of my teachers had spoken about it, let alone told me about his leaving his wife and only child just days after he was born. I wanted to give Yasodhara (pronounced Ya show da rah) a voice, as well as all the other nuns and women followers.

Kala: How does the novel discuss the portrayal of women in literature and religious life, in the past and in the present?

Gabriel: Buddha’s Wife is told from Yasodhara’s perspective, as she is dying. She speaks about her life as a young girl, when married to Siddhartha, her grief and despair when he left, her life later as a nun and when she is older and leaves the order. A number of facts about Buddha’s reluctance to allow women to become nuns and his belief that “women would be the downfall of the order”are all spoken of in the story as they happened. Many of the issues women faced at that time and place (India around 550 BC) are still being perpetuated in present day, in a number of religious contexts (not just Buddhist).

Kala: Were this story to take place today, do you think Siddhartha would handle things differently?

Gabriel: Perhaps, but there have been many well known men who have been involved in large religious or social movements in the last century who also had little time for their own families or much connection with their children. We (Sacred World Productions and I) are presently in pre-production to make a film based on the book, yet set in a contemporary setting. It will be dealing with this question most intimately.

Kala: What does the novel teach about compassion, inspiration and forgiveness?

Gabriel: Even though the grief and loss experienced by Yasodhara, her son and family (when Siddhartha leaves them in the middle of the night) was great, she eventually finds a way to both acknowledge the pain and reality that it caused, while also finding forgiveness and compassion, not only for Siddhartha, but for people in general, even the woman she believes became involved with her husband later on. She doesn’t forget, but uses her life experience to work on herself and find ways to let go of her anger and resentment.

Kala: In the story, Yasodhara shares her belief that Siddhartha was scared of intimacy, emotion and love. Can you explain the thoughts around this idea to our readers?

Gabriel: I believe some people (historically male) find it difficult to share emotional love and intimacy with another. It is too threatening and raw and reveals the truth of who they are, as opposed to how they perceive themselves or wish to be, that they avoid it altogether or never completely commit. Many men (especially well known) are comfortable being superficially involved with thousands of people (in some role or capacity), but shy away from one to one relationships. In Buddha’s Wife, Yasodhara gives examples of why she believes that may be the case with Siddhartha.

Kala: Thanks for your time Gabriel, appreciate your time on Kala’s Quick Five. For more information about Buddha’s Wife and Gabriel Constans work, visit http://www.gogabriel.com or http://www.buddhaswife.com

Gabriel: Thank you for the excellent questions and the opportunity to share a little about the novel Buddha’s Wife.

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Enjoyed this article? Kala welcomes your comments and reads them all. Don’t miss a thing! Subscribe by clicking the button at the top right corner of this article. By doing so, you’ll receive e-mail updates every time a new article by Kala Ambrose is posted – and it’s free! To read archived articles by Kala Ambrose, visit her main page at National Metaphysical Spirituality Examiner.

Join Kala on July 23-25, 2010 as she teaches at the Omega Institute in Rhinebeck, New York for a weekend workshop entitled:
Energy Anatomy: Exploring and Healing Your Auras and Chakras.

More about Kala Ambrose: Kala Ambrose is an award winning author, business intuitive and talk show host of the Explore Your Spirit with Kala Show. Her thought-provoking interviews entice listeners to tune in around the globe! Described by her guests and listeners as discerning, empowering and inspiring, she speaks with world renowned authors, artists, teachers and researchers delving into metaphysical, holistic and paranormal topics. As a business intuitive she brings a wealth of knowledge to corporations, businesses and individuals providing insightful solutions with a competitive edge to achieve their business and personal goals.

Kala’s book, 9 Life Altering Lessons: Secrets of the Mystery Schools Unveiled delves into the mysteries of ancient Egyptian mystery schools and explains their wisdom teachings. Kala’s Guided Meditations CD’s include a sacred site trilogy including Spirit of Hawaii, Egyptian Mystery Temple and Tibetan Mountain Journey. Kala Ambrose is a highly interactive teacher on a mission to educate, entertain and inspire. Kala lectures on Wisdom Teachings, Developing Business Intuition, Working with Auras, Chakras and Energy Fields, and Wise Woman Wisdom (also known as the Divine Feminine). More information about Kala at: www.ExploreYourSpirit.com

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Welcome to Kala’s Quick Five, where I chat with fascinating authors, artists, teachers and researchers and ask them five questions about their work. Our guest today is Sherrie Dillard, a new thought pastoral counselor, professional psychic, medium and teacher for over twenty years.

Kala: Sherrie, welcome to Kala’s Quick Five. Last time we spoke, it was on the Explore Your Spirit with Kala Show where we discussed your book, Discover Your Psychic Type. Your new book is ‘Love and Intuition: A Psychic’s Guide to Creating Lasting Love’. How does psychic ability assist in creating lasting love?

Sherrie: Lasting love springs from the soul. Soulful love is vibrant life giving vital energy that is everywhere and inherent in all things. Intuitive\psychic awareness is the ability to tune into nonphysical energy. Your intuitive\psychic ability can empower you to better embrace, understand and connect with love. How? By helping you to look within, listen to and decipher its guiding presence. It will also help you to tune into and better understand those you love and are in relationship with.

Kala: Step 7 in your book is: ‘Embrace Absolute Love’. What is the definition of absolute love?

Sherrie: Absolute love is the ‘glue of the universe’. It is pure vital divine energy, everywhere and at all time and forever unmarred by human conditioning.  Relative love on the other hand is the kind of love that we most often experience in our relationships. It is influenced by our desires, fears, limited beliefs and expectations. Intuitive\psychic awareness is the bridge between the two. It will empower you to give and receive absolute love and let you know when you are being tempted to swim in the murky water of relative love.

Kala: In Chapter 16, you discuss how to become a ‘soul mate magnet’. There’s a lot of debate currently on the soul mate issue, including whether we have one or many soul mates. How does one become a magnet for soul mates and what are your thoughts about how many soul mates we have?

Sherrie: A soul mate is another who you are connected to from the depths of your most loving and wise inner self. It is a relationship based on the divine qualities of forgiveness, kindness, trust, unconditional love and supportive of your highest good. However, a soul mate connection does not necessarily mean that your will always have an easy, unproblematic relationship. Because it is based in the soul, the ego, surface personality self will be challenged to transform.  We attract a soul mate by consciously living in the energy of our soul. Likes attract likes. The more you embody soul attributes such as, forgiveness, unconditional love, kindness, joy and selflessness, the easier it will be to attract a soul mate.  I believe that we have an unlimited number of soul mates. We are connected to all and everyone. There is an abundance of love, just ripe for the picking.

Kala: In your book, you cover the highest forms of love, including spiritual love and self-love. You also discuss love in the physical, such as in Chapter 18, ‘In the Bedroom, Sexual Intuition’. Can you share some tips with our readers on how to use intuition during love-making?

Sherrie: Carl Jung, the famed psychologist, once said that everyone who came to see him with a “sexual” issue had in fact a “spiritual” issue and everyone who came to see him for a “spiritual” issue had a “sexual” issue. Sexuality and spirituality are highly charged, sensual energies that are forever intertwined. Your intuition is the perfect compliment to sexuality. It will help you to tune into your partner’s nonverbal needs and desires and challenge you to open to new levels of intimacy and trust. Intuition is more that just accessing information, it is the gateway for soul connected oneness that transcends physical boundaries. Pretty exciting, stuff!

Kala: ‘Love and Intuition’ invites us to ‘love like angels’ and mentions that our ‘spirit guides are a constant source of positive energy’. How can angels and spirit guides assist us in finding love?

Sherrie: Conscious relationships are an accelerated path for personal growth and spiritual awareness. But let’s face it, they are not easy. In many ways relationships dredge up our deepest fears, insecurities and self centeredness. They demand we evolve, grow and change.  Your angels and spirit guides are here to help. They are wise and loving beings who are ever ready to assist you in letting go of your pain, releasing old patterns of behavior and filling you with absolute love. All they need is just a simple request of help. They can inspire and support you and influence your relationships and external conditions. That little surge of sparkly love and pull toward another might very well be a sign from your angels. Their help is practical and will surprise you.

Kala: Sherrie, it’s been a pleasure chatting with you about Love and Intuition. Thank you for joining me here on Kala’s Quick Five.

Sherrie: Thank you Kala, I can see why you are so successful in the ground breaking work that you do, great questions.  www.sherriedillard.com

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Enjoyed this article? Kala welcomes your comments and reads them all. Don’t miss a thing!
Subscribe by clicking the button at the top right corner of this article. By doing so, you’ll receive e-mail updates every time a new article by Kala Ambrose is posted – and it’s free! To read archived articles by Kala Ambrose, visit her main page at National Metaphysical Spirituality Examiner.

Join Kala in July 2010 as she teaches at the Omega Institute for a weekend workshop entitled:
Energy Anatomy: Exploring and Healing Your Auras and Chakras.

More about Kala Ambrose: Kala Ambrose is an award winning author, intuitive and talk show host of the Explore Your Spirit with Kala Show. Her thought-provoking interviews entice listeners to tune in around the globe! Described by her guests and listeners as discerning, empowering and inspiring, she speaks with world renowned authors, artists, teachers and researchers delving into metaphysical, holistic and paranormal topics. Kala’s book, 9 Life Altering Lessons: Secrets of the Mystery Schools Unveiled delves into the mysteries of ancient Egyptian mystery schools and explains their wisdom teachings. Kala’s Guided Meditations CD’s include a sacred site trilogy including Spirit of Hawaii, Egyptian Mystery Temple and Tibetan Mountain Journey. Kala lectures on Wisdom Teachings, Developing Business Intuition, Working with Auras, Chakras and Energy Fields, and Wise Woman Wisdom (also known as the Divine Feminine).

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Sustaining a soul-hearted partnership with ourselves is the groundwork for the shared experience of soul-hearted partnership. This means maintaining trust in our connection with source, listening to the voice of spirit through our hearts, releasing negative patterns, and manifesting intentions for a more fulfilling personal life. It requires continually letting go of the life we have chosen until now so we can cocreate the life we want to share with a partner in the future. Using conscious awareness, we can witness how spirit guides us to opportunities and choices that result in a life based less on fear and insecurity, and more on spiritual transformation. But it is equally important to realize that sustaining soul-hearted partnership with ourselves necessitates constant personal evolution.

Often in relationships, because we so desperately want a fairy tale romance, we block our access to spiritual information and make excuses for relationship deficits. Trying to make the relationship work at all costs, we ignore the surfacing of patterns. Needy and afraid to be alone, we begin doubting our ability to generate opportunities through intention, and we ask ourselves: “What if this is the last chance for me to be in a relationship?” “If I leave the relationship, will I end up alone?” and “Can I earn a living and take care of myself on my own?” Such behavior leads to stagnation in the same kinds of situations we have experienced in the past.

For these reasons, we have to take time to be alone and discover how to sustain a soul-hearted partnership with ourselves before entering into a new relationship with another person.

Like the life cycles we move through as the years unfold, relationships also have life cycles—some lasting for only a brief period and others a season or a lifetime. To make suitable choices in relationships for particular periods in our lives, it is helpful to look at three major types of relationship that, together, can satisfy everything from need fulfillment to spiritual growth.

First, there is transitional relationship, based on momentary needs. This type of relationship includes casual encounters for the purpose of sex or friendship, healing, ego validation, overcoming loneliness, or dealing with a desire for control and security. During transitions, intense times of self-healing and personal discovery, we tend to initiate relationships with people who exhibit negative patterns to which we are attracted, or who are releasing such patterns themselves and in a position to assist us in learning to love ourselves. We are drawn by the energy of these people, in transition themselves, as a way of stabilizing the unsettling period in our own lives. The mutual exchange of energy, while temporary, can be satisfying and supportive. As long as both individuals are aware of the purpose of their relationship, their needs are being met, and they are observing healthy boundaries and treating each other with respect, they can both benefit greatly from the experience.

The second type of relationship is contractual relationship, in which individuals come together to create something for a common purpose. The most customary form of contractual relationship involves childbearing, usually in a marriage. A contractual relationship can also exist for such purposes as establishing social status or developing a business enterprise.

Finally, there is true soul-hearted partnership, in which both individuals have a fully realized relationship with themselves as well as with each other. In such a relationship, partners can develop spiritually in concert with each other, and thus the relationship can last a lifetime without becoming unhealthy or unfulfilling. And because it is a partnership between equals for the purpose of spiritual growth, soul-hearted partnership can be seen as the ultimate form of spiritual relationship.

Our longing for love often convinces us that all relationships are meant to last forever and keeps us from distinguishing between the various types. Knowing the life cycles of different types of relationships helps us adjust our expectations accordingly, ensuring that we actively maintain lifelong relationships and willingly let go of temporary ones. Many couples fall in love and marry blinded by physical attraction, which makes them feel alive. This form of transitional relationship usually originates when individuals are vulnerable and looking for an experience to either transform us or ground them.  But as the steam of lust and infatuation clears they see the relationship for what it is and become dissatisfied.

Much the same can be said of contractual relationships. Despite their shared mission and positive aspects, we must be aware that such relationships are not complete because they are usually not based on a genuine partnership in which each person is independently fulfilled. Therefore, it is essential to discern, through the use of conscious awareness, whether a relationship is based on the common core values of love, trust, integrity, intimacy, and a soul connection or is merely functioning in fulfillment of an agreement or as a temporary distraction or emotional crutch.

Contractual or transitional relationships can become soul-hearted partnerships when there is a mutual desire for spiritual growth and an adherence to its core values. But when there isn’t attempting to sustain these temporary relationships can cause suffering, especially those based on a short-term physical or emotional dependency. Unfortunately, people who automatically think a relationship should last forever may fail to assess the purpose of their relationships and thus confuse transitional or contractual ones with the lifetime soul-hearted type. Some people even marry partners they know are incompatible, making a commitment to cherish the union until death do them part—a decision likely to be disastrous to both parties, especially when the relationship’s purpose has been fulfilled early on and there is little spiritual basis to continue the union.

It is important to see transitional and contractual relationships for what they are: a means of coping with a difficult or transformative period in life with the help of another person who fulfills our needs, helps us grow, and adds joy to our circumstances. Such relationships, when entered into honestly and lovingly, can be beneficial if they propel both individuals along their chosen spiritual paths. Yet once their mission is fulfilled, it is usually time to let go and progress to another level of relationship, for which the transitional or contractual partner may not be appropriate. In such a case, we can honor the partner by expressing gratitude for their being, lovingly release the relationship, and move on. For our own well-being, it’s important that we do not make transitional or contractual relationships committed ones or stay in such relationships beyond their spiritual purpose.

In temporary relationships such as this, we often experience a struggle between our heads and our hearts that keeps us from listening to the voice of spirit. We close the eyes of the heart, succumbing to our fears of loss, rejection, and scarcity and diminishing our sense of ourselves for a momentary “fix” of physical attraction, emotional security, or personal calling, leading us to make pattern-driven, unenlightened choices.

To avoid settling for a relationship that inhibits spiritual growth, it is crucial to be aware that strong sexual attraction often characterizes the first stage of a new relationship based on infatuation. Physical attraction can, however, diminish our ability to observe the relationship from a healthy detached point of view. This is when we fall head over heels—or more often, “head over heart.” As a result, we can become attached to a relationship physically or as an emotional crutch, and lose our common sense and our trust in ourselves to make informed decisions.

As we continue the inner spiritual work necessary to sustain our full self-expression, we may declare an intention to enter into an intimate relationship with another person. In preparation for such an event, we can use the spiritual principles we have learned to assist us in interviewing potential partners so we can choose discerningly.

Many people spend more time and energy interviewing prospective plumbers, landscapers, and Internet companies than potential partners. Because of lust, neediness, or fear of being alone, we allow impulse, infatuation, and patterns to influence these choices.

Instead, we can interview potential partners by using specific spiritual principles. First, we prepare by listening to the voice of spirit through our hearts, which will assist us in maintaining a healthy detached point of view and activating conscious awareness. Next, we observe various people we are considering dating, are currently dating, or are in relationship with and ask our hearts these questions: “Does this person demonstrate a fully expressed relationship with themselves, and is this evident in daily life?” “How do I feel about myself when I am with this person?” and “Do I see myself as being happier in this relationship?” Ideally a potential partner will be trustworthy, loving, playful, and exude a sheer love of life. When we are with such a person, we will feel inspired, safe, and free to express our true being. The individual will take responsibility for their own weaknesses, show integrity in the enlightened choices they make, do the inner spiritual work for personal transformation, and increasingly develop to their fullest potential. The following qualification mantra is helpful to use when interviewing potential partners: “Who you are, I must love. How you act and treat me, I have to like. And most of all, my loving heart has to be earned.”

Excerpted from Soul-Hearted Partnership, Creating the Ultimate Experience of Love, Passion, and Intimacy by Debra L. Reble, Ph.D., 2009, www.soulheartedpartnership.com

More about Debra Reble..

Debra L. Reble, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist who conducts a private practice and facilitates workshops and seminars that focus on enhancing personal transformation and well-being. She also is the founder of HeartPaths of Cleveland, Ohio, a company dedicated to providing materials that inspire full self-expression. In addition, she is a director of Foundation in Light, an international nonprofit educational organization devoted to the integration of light through the heart into human experience. In her role as director, she assists in presenting workshops, retreats, and consultation to promote spiritual growth and self-realization.

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