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Most people mistakenly believe that outside factors cause stress. For example, deadlines at work, financial challenges, family issues, health problems, or relationship tangles. But these are normal obstacles that everyone faces as adults. And guess what? They aren’t the cause of your stress. The real reason you are getting stressed out is because you’ve bought into the myth that you’re not good enough and you’re not up to meeting those challenges.

Imagine how your everyday life would change if you suddenly became unafraid to fail. Imagine how powerful and serene you would feel if you didn’t care about others’ opinions or judgments. This is the definition of a stress-free life—and you can get to this point by discarding your limiting beliefs.

When you discard limiting beliefs—e.g., I’m not thin enough, pretty enough, smart enough, rich enough, successful enough—you open yourself up to unlimited personal and professional possibilities. That’s because the mother of all fears—namely, that you’re not good enough—has been preventing you from loving yourself, being true to yourself, and doing what you really want to do in your life.

Most of all, it’s making you feel as if you don’t measure up. It’s also leading you to align your everyday behaviors and choices with what you think others want and expect from you. That’s why you’re stressed out!

Start by aligning your decisions with you, not someone else. Here are five new ways to counteract stress, regain your courage to be who you really are, and take charge of your own life and career.

Stressbuster #1: Stop using money to keep score.

We use money to impress others, to fulfill a need for self-worth, and to “buy” happiness. The next thing we know, we’re in debt, we’re unhappy with what we have, or we develop an insatiable need for more “stuff.” Start seeing money for what it is—a way to buy necessities. Stop seeing it as a way to define your success.

Stressbuster #2: Stop letting the media define your beauty.

Many of us live in a perpetual state of distress over how we look—too fat, too old, too short, too bald, unfashionable, and so on—because we believe the beauty myths perpetuated by the media. Stop worrying about what others think about you. Start caring about and exhibiting your positive traits—such as honesty, helpfulness, and intelligence.

Stressbuster #3: Stop letting religion rob your self-worth.

If you belong to an organized religion, you’ve probably gotten the message that you’re unworthy, or that if you just do A, B, and C, maybe you’ll earn redemption. Stop feeling guilty for making decisions that you know in your heart are good for you, and stop asking permission to do so. You were created good enough. Start believing you are.

Stressbuster #4: Stop seeking accomplishment in busyness.

Many people measure their self-worth by how much they get done. Then they complain, “I don’t have enough me-time.” Get rid of all the “shoulds” that are making you feel stressed out (“I should clean my closet, I should visit my folks.”) Ask yourself why you don’t, and then deal with that, rather than feeling guilty. Stop feeling bad for taking time for you—time to contemplate, time to relax. You’re worth it.

Stressbuster #5: Stop seeking rewards outside yourself.

You may be someone for whom a promotion, raise, bigger office, or nicer car are signs of success. Chances are, you’re addicted to striving, and you’ll never quite reach the place that feels good enough. Stop the cycle. Look inside to identify qualities in yourself that are good enough—right now, just the way they are. Start defining yourself in terms of your generosity, empathy, or other worthy qualities.

More about Jan Denise…

Jan Denise is a syndicated newspaper columnist, an empowerment guru, and author of the new book, Innately Good: Dispelling the Myth that You’re Not (Health Communications, 2009). You can find out more about her and her teachings at www.innatelygood.com.

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